Series essay: Hearstopper S1

Hey everyone. This is going to be a very different piece as it is more of an essay than a review. I didn't make this blog for series and I don't intend to be serious on series (wow) forever, but I thought this might be an interesting addition. Spoiler warning.

Writing this piece makes me feel like I am dissipating. I can't count how many times I'm able to watch Heartstopper. I've now watched it several times, and in every rewatch I would catch new details I didn't see. But moreover, I also experience a new set of feelings. The series has caught the hearts of many around the world, and not because "It's a Netflix original". I don't normally watch series, myself being more of a film buff, but the presence of Heartstopper made me instantly watch it, with no doubt. It's a feeling I can't describe, and I also can't simplify it to just "joyous" or "sad".

Sure, Heartstopper has its wholesome and poignant moments, but it wasn't just made for feel-good escapism. Had it been entirely such, I would've been bored. Thinking about it, you can't make a literal television series with cutesy moments galore and get a 100% Rotten Tomatoes score. But something resonated in me from Heartstopper; its roots are those cutesy moments, but it suddenly goes beyond that. The world of Hearstopper may be fantastical and imaginative and lovely, but it is also very real. As the credits of the season finale roll, a lot of people talk about how they looked at themselves. Young and old people expressed a kind of ambivalence, the fact that there is such a beautiful representation in this era, and that we weren't exposed to such media when we were younger.

It is a very surreal viewing for so many, especially in countries outside the Western realm, where people on the LGBT spectrum are being discriminated against and criminalized for being themselves. I for one live in such a country, and in a family where LGBT is seen as "deviant" and "shameful". Even in Western countries, homophobia and transphobia are on the rise. When I was watching Heartstopper for the first time, my mom scoffed in seemingly sadness, lamenting "Why should it be this?" My rewatches had been secretive, which hurts me as the series was rated 13+. In principle, it is very unrealistic for such portrayals to be seen. But as you immerse in the series' world, there is a sense of realism in it that you can't describe in short.

One big element of the series is that its plot flies by pretty fast. With each episode averaging over 30 minutes, the entire first season runs for four hours. Screenwriter Alice Oseman is also the creator of the webcomic and graphic novel the series was based on, which also has the same relative pace. A lot of LGBT representation, good and bad, has a pretty meditative pace, which can be nice but it sets aside the charm an LGBT story can tell. Heartstopper progresses like the wind blowing, the leaves hovering in the air. Knowing how effective physicalizing that analogy is, Oseman decided to incorporate leaves in the webcomic and, ultimately, the series. The reason, I think, leaves are a prominent and effective motif is because it symbolizes how fast life can be, especially for teenagers.

And for me too. As a 16-year-old, I often feel as if life is a string of events. I mean, it technically is, but the string between one event and another is very short. Or at least, it feels such. You feel as though problem X occurred just a second ago and now you are facing problem Y. Focus becomes impossible, and you don't know what the hell you're doing. What's the day all about? There are days when it's just too much, it overwhelms me just thinking about it. But there are also days when this leads to ecstasy and gratitude. Heartstopper may not have captured that feeling 100% authentically, but Oseman can translate the heart to the screen in a way that I would've never guessed.

The main characters, Nick and Charlie, go through their own strings of life. Nick is a player in the school's rugby team, questioning his sexuality after acquiring feelings for Charlie and having his own journey facing his annoying teammates. Charlie is an outed gay boy who faces his insecurity against homophobia, abuse, and falling in love with Nick. In the first episode, right after the two have a meet-cute (the episode itself is titled "Meet"), Charlie meets his abusive boyfriend Ben, who leaves him right after they kiss-- a very static kiss. As the door slowly closes, Charlie stands awkwardly, waves robotically and whispers, "Bye." And close.

It is an incredible manifestation of the series' pace, and I wasn't ready for such emotions to be seen. But it is also a very good start to the series' analysis of Charlie's character, an abstract to an eye-opening paper. He doesn't want this, but he's also confused about what to do, himself facing way more problems. Internally, he has had enough with the events before the first season (which would hopefully be explored further in season 2), and to experience this all in a few hours is quite... to say the least, profoundly sad. What is this weird thing I'm feeling about Nick? Why am I still with Ben? Why does he look emotionless with me? Why did he wipe his mouth after kissing me? Does he not love me? Am I wrong?

"Maybe I do just ruin people's lives," Charlie said later in the finale. "Maybe it would be better if I just didn't exist."

Charlie spoke to my heart even in the webcomic. I have a boyfriend who also enjoys the Heartstopper universe; I would often call him Nick and he would call me Charlie... or his cute nickname "Char". At first, it was merely due to my physical resemblance, but I suppose it is deeper than that too. Sometimes I also don't understand what is going on in a situation. I was used to being wrong and people nitpicking on everything I do, that when someone provides a stupid nitpick I would accept it like it's a very huge criticism. You suddenly don't know what's right or wrong. There are times when I'm right and I just surrender. Charlie is dissociated from the world he is in just for who he loves, to the point where he "accepts" this as the way of life, when it is not and should never be.

It is a reality that, unfortunately, a lot of people also face. It is a reality that I also face. Heartstopper reminds me of that with its unique portrayal of LGBT struggles. At the end of the final episode ("Boyfriend"), Nick and Charlie came to a conclusion that they should come out to "the people who matter", and after Nick gets a heartwarming response from his mom, we get a heartwarming recap montage of their gradual bond throughout the season. And then all of a sudden, we see Nick adorably cuddling with Charlie at the seaside, as the waves brush the sand and cute animations hover about. Though they are bound for a tough journey ahead, this too shall pass. The ending symbolizes a sense of belonging in them, that they are ready for whatever comes to them. For the first time, Charlie feels a sense of security and a sense of worth.

"You're not ruining my life," his sister Tori said while hugging him.

There's so much predictability in Heartstopper, yet it feels new every time a scene plays out. I'm not sure you can watch this series without smiling at least once, or crying, or reacting in some similar way. LGBT or ally, it seemed to have caught the hearts of many. I think the reason this occurs is because of its subtle transcendence beneath the story's conventional flow. Beneath its cringey scenes with cheesy teenage dialogues, lie a very poignant observation of how sexuality and gender identity can shape a person's life in this everything-phobic age. The cinematography is set to look like it's filming a documentary because the series is a very deep character study in a way. That is why this series is such a good representation. I feel literally represented, and the camera feels empathetic. There's so much good in this world amidst the backdrop of mayhem, so we need Heartstopper once in a while.

Charlie also faces his own experience of viewing Heartstopper in the series. As I said, he is very insecure due to past attacks and is also getting it here in season 1. It is a very pressuring life, and regardless of whether the others are good or bad, it is definitely toiling him. I cried most during his scenes because of just how true his character arc is to mine. The day after a fight with Nick's homophobic rugby lads, Charlie says "Sorry" to Nick, a behavior he is sort of programmed to do whenever he feels crap about himself. Nick straightforwardly declares, "No. You're not allowed to say the s-word." He shouldn't, and as the season comes to an end, Charlie learns that it's not his fault he likes boys. Everyone should learn that, and though Heartstopper never guises it as a tutorial series, it does give us that optimism.

The 2D animations also came at the right moments, and to me, they elevated the experience entirely. It gave the series brief moments to slow down a bit and give the characters more depth. Not just to these boyfriends, but also to the others as they journey through their own arcs. Despite its fake nature, it felt like being reflective of the series' realism. As Nick stares at the window at the end of episode one, avian animations hover. When he tries touching Charlie's hand, it is seen as fiery, a powerful manifestation of anxiety and the profoundness of love. While their first kiss is lit up by yellow sparks, them holding hands in the cinema turns the sparks to blue.

These allow Heartstopper to be more than just life passing by quickly. Life, too, needs a break, an escape from the speed of everything and a time to meditate on things. These allow the series to provide its maximum resonance, and that's also why the animations are a huge highlight. They're not just a physicalization of the characters' hearts, but also ours, and thus they are very touching. We feel the suspense and joy where we need to. Oseman managed to not make the series preachy on how audiences should feel because the characters themselves are the audience. When we watch, the characters also watch. When we click "Next episode", the characters also transition to a new period.

Wait, did I just describe the life-is-fast thing with that last sentence? Well, exactly. That's how the series felt. It wasn't jarring moving from one mood to another.

Been rotating the same two outfits for three years now
"AM I GAY?"

Waiting for some kind of inspiration
To make me feel like I'm my own person
"CONVERSION THERAPY"

And I don't feel like I'm my own person
"YOU ARE 62% HOMOSEXUAL"

There is one accurate term to describe Heartstopper: magic realism. A blur between fantasy and reality. A depiction of reality in a fantastical way. In some ways, seemingly in an attempt to enhance realism, it also becomes as if fantasy is clashing with realism. Adiescar Chase's optimistic score ends abruptly as the intense scenes begin, and her intense score ends abruptly as the wholesome scenes begin.

Now, even with the things above in mind, it might seem as if it doesn't depict the actual struggles of LGBT society. Sure, there are some scenes involving homophobia, but as Radio Times' David Craig said, they are resolved pretty quickly and it is not the most "riveting" work. He additionally also deemed the series only for teens. However, I think Craig's well-written review of the series missed some things. As a bisexual myself, I find the series refreshing not just in that it is a wholesome story, but also that uses this wholesomeness to connect with its LGBT audience, young and old. Its simplicity is what makes it universal. Don't we all ever have that one dream where homophobia would be swept away like dust by a broom, and people can respect each other for who they are? Thus, when a work of art like Heartstopper appears, the intensity of viewing it becomes twice more robust. It's not just speaking for us, it's also like a projection of our hearts. What we hope the world could be.

Another thing Heartstopper did well was creating a world where different people, on the spectrum or outside, coexist in different ways. You meet all sorts of personalities, even though they have the same love. You see characters with little or immense complexity. Beneath is 2.20:1 aspect ratio (which is my main complaint about this series, 1.78:1 could've been better since it gives a more immersive look), lies a lifelike replica of the world. LGBT people can encompass Charlie and Ben. Straight people can encompass Imogen and Harry. There's no specific morality innate in sexuality, a stereotype Heartstopper managed to tackle as well.

There is a story shared by Kit Connor, who played Nick, that a person used Nick's coming out scene to come out to his own parents. I think what is so amazing with that scene is the timing of it. At this point, Nick has faced a lot of problems, trying to understand who he is and how he will be treated, having seen undercover the true nature of his "friends". All this confusion and frustration culminates in assurance-- another theme of Heartstopper-- and then in a heartstopping scene set on a simple dining table, as Nick gradually exhales his soul, saying "He's my boyfriend."

In fact, that's how I felt when coming out to my friends. The fact that I don't have to hide my identity anymore, the fact that I can now tell everyone who I truly am. Honesty is very important in a relationship, and when that stigma blocking the road to honesty is defeated, it feels truly awesome. That is how Oseman portrayed coming out in the series, and despite attempts by other media to do the same, they felt slightly too theatrical, too whimsical and heavy to be processable by the human mind. Heartstopper's lighthearted nature helps with this tremendously. For love, at its core, is lighthearted.

I am not trying to say that this is perfect. I'm quite analytical as well, and there are definitely scenes that don't need to be there or could've been elaborated. The opening for episode 1 definitely felt too rushed, and there are times when the series just drowns too deep in its charm. I especially disliked the finale and felt it was too rushed (they're at a class and now taking a train?)-- having read the comics, I and my boyfriend agreed it could've been longer. But taking the weight it deals with into account, it seems kind of appropriate. Heartstopper is not the perfect representation, but there are times when I feel as though I have never seen anything like this before. Just for that alone, it deserves kudos.

And those weaknesses? They slowly become an afterthought. There is a scene depicting a rugby match; as a violent rain showers everyone, Charlie is weakened and drops to the ground, desperate. One would assume Nick to help him, but no, he just stands there. In fear that people will see him. All the charm we see a few minutes ago, suddenly drops. But as the two reach their season finale, Charlie expresses concern that people will see them, to which Nick responds, "Oh. So?" Everything in the past sort of blurs, and what matters is now. I wish for the world to someday experience this Heartstopper Condition.

This is not the first of its kind. The Filipino YouTube series Gaya Sa Pelikula has successfully achieved almost the same feeling as Heartstopper, but unfortunately, it didn't get the same amount of traction as the latter. Nevertheless, I am glad that with Heartstopper, such connective media are being acclaimed critically and generally. I don't just hope that people like it, I also hope people get it. This is what we want. We want peace. We want love. We want respect. Heartstopper's whimsical charm is an unconventional yet resonant element, and I don't think I will stop thinking about it. With my anxious, closeted nature, the way I can finally breathe after watching the series means the world to me.

One day, I shall reach the seaside.

Cause the world goes on without us
Doesn't matter what we do
All silhouettes with no regrets
When I'm melting into you
Cause I belong in your arms...